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Comment that he seems to be deep in thought is a neutral opening statement
that allows you to ascertain whether he might be ready to talk at this
time. A conversation might occur as follows:
Mr. Brown: Yes, I am (This
doesn�t tell you much)
You: I have the sense that you�re distressed (You can only say this
if that in fact is your perception. Also, the �I� statement indicates
it is your perception and may not be the reality).
Mr. Brown: I�m in a no-win situation.
You: A no-win situation? (Your
repetition here allows Mr. Brown to amplify what he means by a no-win
situation and for you to learn about his definition of the situation.
What you have also done is to indicate your willingness to listen and
bear witness to what Mr. Brown wants to share. The act of bearing witness
is a critical contribution to alleviating the loneliness of suffering.
Further as Mr. Brown expresses his feelings he can be helped to see that
he has done all that is within his power to do to keep his promises to
his family. Aside from counseling, financial planning, making a videotape
or audiotape for his children or a scrapbook can give him some relief
as he prepares to endure the rigors of further therapy. Lastly, talking
with his wife and daughters about his love for them and that he will do
all that he can to be present for them. Lastly, helping Mr. Brown assure
his family that he will always be present, although not physically, whenever
they think of him may give all some comfort at this heart-rending time
for Mr. Brown and his family.)
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